Tag: Struggles

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Clearing Out The Fog

Trees in the mist, Dalton Crags by Alison Rawson is licensed under CC-BY-SA 2.0

I was at work, doing nothing that was particularly difficult, but my mind, was just going on a bit of a go slow. My thinking was a bit distracted and muddled, and there was a bit of tension in my stomach. ???

I knew that I was not doing as well as I should have been, and that was also adding to my irritation.

I maybe describing what anxiety can feel like, for some???

All that I knew, more than anything, was that I wasn’t where I’d like to be, and it was irritating me, which was probably adding an extra layer of difficulty/annoyance to the situation.

I tried to tell myself that it was silly, and to just get past it, or over it. (Probably, more on a subconscious level, than anything else.) But it wasn’t making any real headway.

Then I thought that I can command it to go, in the power of my Lord God! (After all, I am a child of The Most High God.)

So I gave that a go. I said, to myself, “Whatever this is, be gone in the Name of Jesus Christ!”

Then nothing happened. My thinking was still muddled and distracted, and the tension remained in my stomach.

There was a thought of, “How much good was that then?” (Or something like it.)
Fortunately I didn’t dwell or follow that line of thinking for too long, but it was there. If I had, would I have missed out on the next thought???

The next thought I had, was along the lines of, “If I can’t tell it to go, can I at least tell it to be quiet?”

So I tried that.
“In Jesus name, be still and quiet.”

“Perhaps, I can do a bit better than that?” Was the next bit that then came to me. So…
“In Jesus name, be still and quiet, and in Jesus’s timing, be gone.”

I can’t remember if the tension in my stomach went on the first or second version, but go, it did. My mind was still distracted, and a bit muddled, but the tension in my stomach had gone.

Looking back, I believe that I then went into a conversation, of sorts, with my Lord God. I’d like to be able to write down all that was said, but it’s all a bit fuzzy to me now. Perhaps, I’ll be able to give you some of the highlights???

I was at work, and I did have a task, that I needed to do. It wasn’t anything too difficult, but with a distracted mind, it was taking longer than I thought it should.
The conversation wasn’t an added distraction, but more of an aid. The kind of conversation where the other person just knows when they need to be quiet, and when they can be helpful by just pointing to …. at just the right time, in the right way.
There was a few running themes of, “Don’t try to fight the annoyance, just starve it of any power.”
Another variation of this was, “Don’t try to deny it, that’s just fighting it, on another front. Just starve it.”
These thoughts go in line with the one I spoke out of,
“In Jesus name, be still and quiet, and in Jesus’s timing, be gone.”

I’m now back at home, doing so much better. Actually able to, and wanting to, write this up, mostly all in one go.
My thinking is doing that much better. (Even if my grammar maybe a bit questionable… ??? 🙂 )

All in all, I think that I can put this down as a time when I heard, my Heavenly Father’s small quiet voice, and then followed it’s prompting.

John 10:27-28
27 My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. 28 I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one will snatch them out of my hand.

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Can We See what’s Not Broken, in a place that is, Broken?

I saw a room, where many things were broken. Not just little things, that could be overlooked, but also the big things, that couldn’t be overlooked.

To be in such a room, means that the broken things, will be noticed. It’s just unavoidable.

How would you feel in such a room?

Awkward?
Unhappy?
Having a desire to try to fix, the brokenness?
(Even if it appears to be an impossible task?)

Would we be able to have eyes, that could see, what isn’t broken, in such a place?

If we are faced with a situation, that is broken, in some way, then how many of us, will just want to try to fix it, in some way?
As a kids TV program would like to state, “Can we fix it? Yes, we can!

But, what happens, if we can’t?

Would we be able to remain in such a place of such brokeness, and still have a measure of peace and happiness?

Would we be able to have eyes, that could see, What’s not broken, when they have to be searched for, in order to find, and see them?

If we could, could it then give us, Moments of Joy, that could then become a source of strength, to us???

As the level of brokeness goes up, so does the difficulty, to see, what’s not broken.

A very simple song, has come to my mind…

Count your Blessings, count them one by one.

Could counting your Blessings, be part of, seeing, what’s good, that could then lead to a thankful heart, for the good things, that are also present?

If we are ever faced with such brokenness, then, could even reading or remembering a post like this one, be a challenge?

If Our Lord God, brings it to our minds, then will we rise up to the challenge, and see, what He wants us to see?
The bits that are not broken, and then be thankful for them?

Our Lord God Almighty,
Thank You, that You are for us.
Thank You, that You hold us together, even when we feel that we are falling apart.
Please, help us to get through, what we are facing.
Help us to Know, that You, Have Got This, and that we can Trust You, in it.
Our Lord God Almighty!
Our Loving Heavenly Father.
Amen

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I see a Vessel
When you are at your weakest, God is there to be the Glue, that Will Hold you together.

How Do You Pray when you feel you just can’t do anything?

More posts, for those who maybe struggling.

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It’s a Choice to Rejoice, when it Hurts.

I don’t like writing these posts. I’d much rather write about how good times are, and how the Lord has blessed me abundantly.
But, at the moment, it hurts. So I’m left with needing to make the Choice, to Rejoice.

I’d rather go off down a wrong road, and seek out a temporary relief, a temporary gratification of some kind… 😦
I may have even tried a half hearted attempt to do just that. 😦
But, I know the answer to that route. A temporary distraction, which brings on more pain later.
Perhaps, that’s why I was only half hearted in my attempt, and thankful, that I came back to a better mindset, before I’d gone to far, down the wrong route.

As I’m writing this, I’ve just put some praise music on. Playing now is, “The Joy of the Lord is my strength”.
Now I just need for it to seep into me.
It’s a choice to just have the music playing. Can the words now be a reality to me?

The words of Habakkuk keep coming back to me at times like these.

Habakkuk 3:17-19

17 Though the fig tree does not bud
    and there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crop fails
    and the fields produce no food,
though there are no sheep in the pen
    and no cattle in the stalls,
18 yet I will rejoice in the Lord,
    I will be joyful in God my Savior.

19 The Sovereign Lord is my strength;
    he makes my feet like the feet of a deer,
    he enables me to tread on the heights.

Just need for this to be a reality to me.

My thoughts also keep going to a fellow blogger’s site name, “Rejoicing Bones”, and how his bones Will Rejoice.
I get the feeling, that he already knows about this, “Choice to Rejoice”.
I pray that he will continue to make the choice to rejoice, in good times and not so good times.

Hopefully, playing the praise music, and writing this, will be a turning to the right direction, that leads to a Joy, that will keep me going. I do it, hoping that it will be a working out of last week post of…

“Don’t Miss your Joy!!!“

I’m going to sign off here now, but I need to end this post on a Better note. So I’ll finish with a phrase that me and my wife sometimes say to each other.

God IS Good, all the time!
And.
All the time… God IS Good!

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Don’t Miss Your Joy!!!

The title of this post, is the shortened version of a thought.
The full thought is…

Don’t allow the upset of your experience, rob you, of the Joy, that you should have, from doing, what you’re meant to be doing.

If all you read, is the above thought, and dwell on it, with Our Lord God, then, that might be the best thing to do.

I’ll carry on with some of my thoughts, about this, but Our Lord God’s thoughts, will be so much better for you.

If we are upset, then it can be all to easy to just stop, and just allow the upset to take over.
To do nothing more, other than dwell in the thing that upsets us.

Don’t allow the upset of your experience, rob you, of the Joy, that you should have, from doing, what you’re meant to be doing.

There is a Joy, that we should be experiencing.
But if we stop doing, what we are meant to be doing, then will we experience it?

Don’t allow the upset of your experience, rob you, of the Joy, that you should have, from doing, what you’re meant to be doing.

Do you know, what it is, that you are meant to be doing?
A famous quote keeps coming back to me. It goes something like…
The two most important days in a person’s life are, when you were born, and when you realise, what you were born for.

Do you know what you were born to do?
Are you doing it?
Or are you allowing your upset, to stop you, from doing it?

Don’t allow the upset of your experience, rob you, of the Joy, that you should have, from doing, what you’re meant to be doing.

Lord God Almighty,
Upsetting things, can be really upsetting,
Please help us with our upsets.
Help us to not be consumed by them.
Help us to hand them over to You.
Lead and guide us, in how we should go forward.
Help us to know, what it is, that we should be doing. (Even if it means, no change to what we are currently doing.)
Help us to keep in step with You, so that we can keep doing, what we are meant to be doing.
Please, give us Your Joy, as we keep in step with You.
Our Loving Heavenly Father.
Amen.

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Be Aware, of Those with Velvet Boxing Gloves

I do think that this title, has got to be the strangest one, that has come to me, so far.

It’s a picture of how things can be very wrong and confusing, and it can be difficult to understand why this is so???

If someone speaks to you, with polite words, that have an appearance of friendliness about them, but then their actions, end up causing you pain, that you just can’t quite put your finger on, that then causes you to question, “What is going on?”
It’s this very wrong scenario, that this picture is trying to shine a light, onto.

If someone is wearing velvet boxing gloves, then the technique they could use, could be, “see and feel the velvet of these gloves, isn’t it a beautiful thing to behold.” Then, when you are looking at one glove, they jab you, with the other one, whilst still telling, and showing you, the quality of the velvet boxing gloves.

If you are ever caught up in a situation, where it could be that, velvet boxing gloves, are be used against you, then that is a very serious situation, and not one to be laughed about.

How can we tell, if we are being caught out, by someone using, velvet boxing gloves?

Psalm 34:8
Taste and see that the Lord is good;
    blessed is the one who takes refuge in him.

From the above scripture, we can see that, if something is good, then it should have a good taste to it. (I have tasted and seen, that The Lord Our God, is indeed, Good!)
If we are being left with a bitter after taste with something, then, is it because, there is something wrong?

Another scripture is coming to my mind.

Matthew 7:15-17
15 “Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves. 16 By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? 17 Likewise, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit.

The theme of this scripture is the very similar to the taste and see one. By their fruit, you will recognise them.

If we are ever caught in a situation where someone is using velvet boxing gloves against us, then the first step is going to be to recognise, that something is wrong.
If we can recognise it, then we can possibly have a better understanding about our situation, and then act in a better way.
We may even possibly need to seek help and advice from someone else, who is Outside of the situation?
Our Lord God, will always be my first port of call, for seeking help, for the best route to take. He is able to lead and guide all who ask for His help.

Lord God Almighty,
If anyone is caught up in a situation where they are facing velvet boxing gloves, then please, help them to see things, as they actually are.
Please, lead and guide them, for the actions that they should take.
Please, put into their mind, a person or an organisation that they can contact, that can be a help to them.
Lead them out of darkness, and into the light.
Amen.

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Extreme Forgiving

I had to practice “Extreme Forgiving”, just recently.

There I was, in my car, praise music blaring out, as loud as it would go. I’ll Raise a Hallelujah was pounding throughout the car, and I was screaming at the top of my voice, “I Forgive ######. In the presence of My Lord God, I Forgive ######”.
I had to repeat that several times, with the music blasting away, … many times.
As I said, I had to practice, “Extreme Forgiving”.

I had left work, without even seeing my supervisor, but having left a message of, “Book me a half day holiday, I have a need” (in an email).
My work colleague, who I had left a verbal message with, could clearly see that I was upset. “Drive carefully”, was something like his words to me, as I left.

I know full well the benefits of, forgiving, as I’ve written about it in the past, but this “Extreme Forgiving”, is taking things to a whole new level.

(I do believe that I was better off for having done the “Extreme Forgiving”, even though it didn’t leave me in a fully peaceful state, that I would have liked for it to have done. But the worst of the heat, was kind of removed, and I was able to function on a slightly better level.)

So what had upset me so much, so that I needed to do some “Extreme Forgiving”?

In a nutshell, the social care system, just doesn’t appear to have any care in it, anymore. 😦
I’ve been having a few phrases run round my head, for a while now. “There’s no Care, in the Social Care!” is one such phrase.

It was an email from a social worker, that had sent me over the edge. (There is so much, that I’m not saying here.)

Part of me just wants to put it all out there, every little detail, to expose just how bad it has been for me and my wife.
But then I’m torn, as I’m thinking, what good will it achieve?
The whole system is so broken, what can a rant from me achieve?
Very little, possibly?

What I can say is, the objectives of the care system, has changed dramatically, over the period that my wife has been needing to rely on a personal caring assistant.
When she was first assessed, her quality of life was considered, and as such, she was given a good number of hours for a PA. (Personal Assistant) After this latest assessment, it’s clear to see that this is no longer the case.
The question is more a case of, can you do basic things, such as dress and wash yourself, by yourself. If the answer is “yes”, well then, you’re OK then, and you don’t qualify for any help or hours.
(This is a very simplified basic way of looking at this, but there is also a large amount of truth there.)

From our experience, it seems that the social care system, is now more about cutting costs, which means services, as much as it possibly can.

Without going into too many details, the state of play that we find ourselves in at the present moment is, my wife’s PA hours have been cut by about two thirds, to a level where we think that they won’t meet her needs.
My wife is going to privately fund some extra hours for her PA from her savings, which will be gone after a certain amount of time. (What happens if/when that happens, will be looked at, if/when it happens.)
Even with the privately funded hours, we will see a reduction in the overall care hours. We’ll probably be looking to family and possibly friends to step in to cover any needed shortfalls.

I do believe that having family and friends cover people’s caring needs is part of the caring systems prefered policy now. If friends and family are covering it, then they don’t need to pay for it, kind of thinking.

To me, it seems like they are taking their policy advice from Homer Simpson when he uses the slogan, “Can’t someone else do it” in the episode called, “Trash of the Titans”.

As for me and my wife, we now have to remain focused on continuously seeking to forgive those who are causing us the grief and trials that we are facing. We continue to remember that “We are Blessed” and continue to look to Our Lord God, for what is the best way to go forward.
We do thank Our Lord God, because we Are Blessed!

We also pray for anyone who is facing a similar situation to us, but is missing the blessings that we have.
We pray that they would also be able to look to Our Lord God, and as they do, that He will meet with them, and be the help and guide to them, that He is to us.
Amen.

If you have found yourself upset, annoyed, angry or any other kind of negative feeling, for what you have read here, then I ask that you would forgive those who have caused you to feel this way. (Including me, if it’s needed.)

I don’t want this post to be a source of pain for people, but instead a light for the benefits and power of “Forgiveness”.
So, if you have a need to, please do consider giving it a go. You could try saying the next bit out loud, as many times as is needed, as a starting point???

“I forgive those who have upset me, in the presence of God, I forgive them.”

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That’s the official end of this post. I post this full in the knowledge that very few people are likely to read it.
It’s just how my posts tend to go, which is OK with me.
If you think that there is something here that should be heard by a larger audience, then please do consider clicking on a “like” or “share” function in whatever social media seems good to you.

If you would like to know more about me, I do have an “About” page.

I also have a post, that goes into the sad tale of what happened to us, to leave my wife, in our current situation. Link here

I also have a post, that goes into how we cope, in the here and now, as we wait, for Our Lord God, to heal my wife completely.

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Just for reference, there are a few links to posts about forgiveness and reconciliation, below.

Forgiveness is Key

How do we Forgive, when we Don’t want to?

The Release that Forgiveness Brings.

Forgiveness and Reconciliation are Two very Different Things

Reconciliation Matters

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Can we Gain a Better Perspective?

Last week I wrote about a YouTube video, which I found to have a bit of a difficulty to watch. My difficulty was so great, that I asked my Heavenly Father, “Do I need to stop watching this, as it could take me down a wrong line of thinking?”

The YouTube video in question is,

“God only knows” with “Awesome God” Vocal Motion Show Choir

It may seem a bit strange to ask the question of, “Should I be watching this?” When we are talking about a Christian worship video, but there I was.

The problem that I had, was that when I was listening to the “God only knows” lyrics, I was focusing on the problems that we can all have, at times, too much. Then I was stopping at that point, without understanding where the song is meant to take us to.

After I asked the question of, “Should “I” be listening to this?” I kind of got a sense of, carry on listening to it, but get the real message behind the song.

That message was effectively, “Yes, you can have problems, but, you are not alone. I see you, and all that you have to deal with. You are not alone, for I am with you.”

For me, this message came through, in the form of an echo to the lyrics of, God only knows. (The unspoken echo words are in brackets.)

God only knows what you’ve been through (I see it)
God only knows what they say about you (I hear it)
God only knows how it’s killing you (You’re not alone)
But there’s a kind of love that God only knows (and I am with you)

Instead of the verstion that I was hearing of, “You can have problems that are unseen”, then stopping there. The unspoken echo, gives me a much better perspective, of what the song is meant to be about, all along. That we are not unseen, that we are not unheard, that we are not alone. Instead, we Are, seen heard, and held, by Our Lord God Almighty.

What a change in perspective, the echo, gave to me!

Deuteronomy 31:6

6 Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”

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What Percentage Focus, between Problems and Our God?

There is a YouTube video, that I think is superb, but painful to watch.
It’s a joining of two songs, that speaks a truth, that can sometimes be difficult to reconcile.

The YouTube video in question is,
“God only knows” with “Awesome God” Vocal Motion Show Choir

If you watch it, you will see a video that shows that Our God IS an Awesome God, who reigns with Wisdom, Power and Love.
But at the same time, we can have unseen problems, that can be difficult to bear. (From the lyrics of “God only knows.”)
The the young people, holding up boards with problems written on them, has a visual power, that just brings a something extra to it, all of its own.

As I watch it, I feel that I need to give a Greater attention to the “Our God, is an Awesome God” lyrics, in order to not be unbalanced, by the video.

To me, it is a picture of how life can be.
We can Know that Our God is Awesome and All Powerful and have everything under His control, all at the same time as we are struggling with unseen problems, that we feel could be more than we are able to bear.

This takes me back to the idea of this week’s post title.
How much of our focus do we give to our difficulties, and how much do we give to Our Lord God, who Has the answers.

In times of trouble, are we able to lift our eyes, when our world maybe falling apart?
Instead of giving 100% of our attention to our problems, could we aim for a more healthy 50-50 split?
Could we even increase the percentage in favour of Our God?
60-40?
Or 70-30?
Or even up to 90-10?
I’m stopping short of suggesting 100% focus on God, as if we do have real problems, then we don’t want to go and bury our heads in the sand. That’s just denial of the problem.
(Although, for a time, 100% focus on God could be good, such as a in a worship meeting.)

In good times, are we building good practices into our lives, that we can fall back onto, when trouble comes along?
What we do when times are good, also matters. When Paul and Silas were singing in the prison, I think that I’m on safe ground to say that it wasn’t the first time that they had spent, worshipping God. (Acts 16:25-30)
Could we do likewise, and always be seeking and praising Our Lord God Almighty?

In finishing this post, I’m going to bring the focus back onto Our Lord God, by quoting some of the words, from one of the songs, in the video, that is mentioned, in this post.

Our God, is an Awesome God.
He reigns from heaven above.
With Wisdom, Power and Love.
Our God is an Awesome God.

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To Upset, to Receive?

I was at church this morning. In front of me, there was a parent with their small child. The child was very well behaved throughout most of the service. But, there came the point, when the child had just had enough.

The parent did a great job at trying to console and comfort the child, but unfortunately, it was to no avail. The child was making it’s unhappy state, known to all. Not in a major disturbance, but enough, to be uncomfortable for the parent. In the end, the parent carried the child outside, in a calm and relaxed manner.

As this was happening, I was kind of thinking, sometimes, can we be like that child?
Can we be in a place where we could be blessed, in some way, but because of the state that we find ourselves in, we are just not able to take the blessing on board?
Can it be that sometimes, we can be too consumed with an upset of some kind, so that we can then become unable to see anything else, other than the upset, that we are dealing with?
Even to the point of where we are unable to see the answer to our upset, even if it was next to, or directly in front of us?

My Lord God,
If we are ever to upset to receive anything from You, then please, gently let us know, that this is the case.
Please help us to hand all of our concerns and upsets, over to You.
Please help us, with all that we have to face.
Please, open our eyes to Your Good Blessings, that we have already received, and that we can take hold of.
Please lead and guide us, in the way, that is best for us to go.
Thank you that You are with us, and that You do lead and guide us.
Amen.

_____________________________

When the darkness comes, Seek The Light!!

The Calling Abyss

We Are Blessed!!

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A Pain, that Protects??

If we are in any kind of pain, then wouldn’t it be better to remove the pain, if you can?

If we are talking about removing the source of a pain, then that would be a good thing to do.
But what if the pain that is being experienced is a “protecting” type of pain?
Should a “protecting” type of pain be removed, if it can be?

I have a recent experiance that tells me, removing a “protecting” pain, may not be the best option.

My back has had a moment recently, and I’ve known a pain or two.
Mostly, I try not to go down the medication route. I try the, “use it, only only if you really need it” route.

On this occasion, I listened to others, and tried an anti-inflammatory cream on my back. It worked, … to a point.

My muscles that were tight and sore, relaxed and eased up a bit. So, that’s good then, … isn’t it??

Not from my point of view.
The muscles that the cream worked on, were protecting a point further in, that was the source of the pain.
With my outer defences told to lay down their arms, by the cream being used, the real pain source, then became the messenger for what I couldn’t do.

Instead of a gradual elastic band, telling me “not to move this way”, I now had the pain source screaming at me, “DON’T You DARE go THIS WAY!!!”

Needless to say, I quickly stopped using the cream, and just waited for the outer defences to reform. Which they did, over the next few days.

It has left me thinking that, “Some pain, is worth having. If it’s a protecting type of pain.”

Now let’s be clear, seeking pain is just silly.
If you go and hit your thumb with a hammer, just for the sake of it, then you have no one to blame for the pain, except for yourself.
So hopefully we can all steer clear of that type of pain. 🙂

But, are there times, when we just need to endure a pain, of some sort, because it has a protecting element to it?
Are there times when we need to endure something, because, there is a greater purpose to it?

I’m hoping that this post, is the greater purpose for my back pain???
Please Lord, can it be so???
Can You, my Lord God, please set me free from any and all back pain, from here on out?

My best relief, to my back pain in the early stages, was to play a couple of songs on YouTube.
Strength will rise as we wait upon the lord.
Wait On You | Elevation Worship & Maverick City

Seeking Our Lord God for our help, is always going to be the Best option, in All circumstances!

This post kind of feels as if it could be a post mostly about my back. But hopefully it will be more about the thoughts that I’ve been having, during this time.
The general thoughts I’ve been having are along the lines of, “It can be better to endure a hardship or two in the here and now, rather than experience a much worse fate, later.”
Hopefully, the scriptures below should show some of the connections that I have been making, as I’ve been going through/writing this. 🙂

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Hebrews 12:11
11 No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.

Hebrews 12:2-3
2 fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 3 Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

Matthew 7:13-14
13 “Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. 14 But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.

Matthew 5:10-12
10 Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
    for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

11 “Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. 12 Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.

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Now, for the probably needed small print. This is Not a medical advice post. Just an account of what happened to me. You are responsible for your own actions. If you are in pain, seek advice from a good source. The Lord God Almighty is a Very Good source. Professional medical people are also a good source.

🙂

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If this post feels as if it’s only half done, it’s probably because that’s how I’m feeling about it now. I’m hoping that next week’s post (which has now been published, link here), will bring together, whats been started here.