Tag: struggle

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A glimpse into Addiction???

This is something which I have wanted to write about, and to not write about in equal measure.

I have just been reminded of it again… So I’ll give it a try at putting something down on paper (or on the screen).

I don’t have a lot of experience in this matter, thankfully. But I can remember a time, when a particular computer game, took too much of my time.

I’m not going to give any details of which game it was, but it was a form of escapism for me at the time.

I was generally unhappy and struggling with life in general, and to be able to plug into something which would remove me from my reality (which I didn’t like) was very appealing, but not too helpful.

I was a believer at the time (and still am), and as such, kind of knew that I should be running to Father for help.
I did go to Father, of a fashion, but the pull of the game was still very strong and subtle.
It was easy to turn the console on and just plug into the game.
It was always available and ready to whisk me off to another word where I could just forget about my reality for a short while. (Or what turned out to be a longer time than it should have been.)

I can remember reaching the point where I began to not like the game.
I might have even started to approach despising the game I sooo longed to play.

But turn it on and plug in was always my desire, which at one point, was my go to place for far too much of my time.

So why did I do it?

Why should I trade a true reality for something which was fake? (Which I knew was fake.)

Why was I so willing do something which I didn’t like?

Why would I do something which I knew, wasn’t going to be helpful to me in the long run?

I think the short answer is, that I was in pain.

I was unhappy and wanted anything to dull the pain.

Thankfully the thing I went to, was just the game and not anything else that could have been so much worse.
There are many things that people can go to to dull the pain which could have been more difficult to turn away from. So I do thank God, that my thing I went to was just a minor escapism. (It didn’t feel too minor at the time though.)

I can remember reaching a time when I did have enough of the game.

But I couldn’t just stop playing it.

As much as I loathed it, I still played it.

I believe it was because I felt that I had nothing else that would dull the pain I was feeling.

Is this one small aspect of what it is to be addicted to something?

Not wanting it, but still picking it up anyway?

Knowing that it is doing you no good, but not seeing any other way of doing anything, other than the thing you don’t want to?

I think that one of the turning points for me was recognising where I was, and then wanting for things to change. And then trying to make change happen. (Not an easy task if you are in a bad place.)

So, how did I make the change happen?

I spoke to my Heavenly Father. (I was always speaking to Him on some level really.)

I asked Him to give me something else that would be more real to me and better for me.

I asked for Him to be more real to me.

I asked Him if I could plug into Him instead of the game in a meaningful way, so that I wouldn’t want to play the game any longer.

short summary, I reconised that I wanted things to change, I asked for help and I endeavoured to look for something better, rather than my go to not so helpful thing.

Well, I have managed to type something down.
But who could this be for?

If you are caught in something which you don’t like, then perhaps this could help you???
Instead of focusing on what you don’t want to do, you could try looking for something else that is better and will be better for you.
I once heard someone say, “Instead of using the brakes to avoid something, you could always use the steering wheel.”
Handing what you don’t like to God and asking for His help is always going to be good advice.

If you know someone who is caught in some kind of destructive behaviour that they just can’t seem to shake, then could this be for you???
If you do know someone who is just doing something which is no good for themselves, then what could you do?
Try to understand them???
Try to see them as someone who is in pain and not thinking correctly???
Try not to judge them??? (This could be a very tough one to do.)
Try to offer them a life line by offering a better alternative???
My best advice would always be to seek your Heavenly Father who knows ALL that is going on. Seek His wisdom for what the best option to do is. Endeavour to hear His words to you, and then follow them.

Father,
I’ve had a go at writing this.
I offer it up to You.
Please do with it whatever You want to.
If there is someone who You want to read it, then please lead them to it.
If You want to keep people away from this, then please let this be lost in the desert of posts out there.
For all who are suffering, I ask that You will be real to them in a meaningful way so that they can know a release, that You can bring to them.
You are Lord God Almighty, and You Do know All things and are there to help and guide all who call on You.
Amen.

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Funny (Tragic) Baby poop story

I recently heard of a tale of a new born baby.

It was the middle of the night and the mum was changing the baby’s nappy. Just as the nappy was removed, the little darling then just let rip with an explosive number 2.

It made a bit of a mess.

The mum went and got the dad, to then do the clear up duty of the room, while she dealt with the little darling.

The dad had the bigger clean up to deal with.
From the baby, all along the carpet, through the doorway and into the next room. When he had cleaned the carpet, he went back to the baby, looked round, and sure enough, it was also on the walls.
A bit more clearing up to do.

He looked at his little darling, and just thought, “I can’t blame you, can I. You don’t even know what you have just done. I’ve just had to do this clearing up after you, and not hold it against you.”

How true them words are.

The baby was just doing something it had to do.
The timing was just a bit (or a lot) unfortunate for the parents.
There was no malice in the baby.
No intent to redecorate with a unique pattern. It just had to go.

When people are hurting or upset, then they can act just like the baby above.
Not literally of course. But when they lash out with their words and actions.
When this happens, can we then view them like the little baby?
Unaware of what they are doing?
Just trying to empty themselves of something that is toxic to them, even though they are not doing it in the best possible way.

Will we be able to see the person, behind the mess?
Will we be able to love the hurt person and not respond to the mess?
Will we be able to do the clear up duty, and not hold it against them?

This could be a hard task to achieve, but with our Father’s help, then all things are possible.

Father,
Can You give us eyes to see people as You see them.
Can you help us to see the person and not the hurt.
Can You help us to Love the hurt person, just like You do.
Amen.

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Do we sometimes need to try again?

Do you ever have those times when you work at something. Put time and effort into to it, to then just look at what you have done, and then think, that just isn’t quite right.

I have had a project go that way just recently.

I read up on what I wanted to do, and watched the videos. I had a plan in my mind, and then I just went for it.

When looked at my efforts, I just thought, that’s not quite right.

This time, I decided to undo the work I had just done, and try again.

I had to repair some parts of the project from my first try. In effect I needed to renew a part of the project. I didn’t need to throw everything away, but I did need to make good on my first try.

This took time and effort.
I wanted to ignore that things were not quite right.
But I knew that I wouldn’t be happy with the end result if I did that.

Thankfully my 2nd attempt went better. I did things ever so slightly differently and the end results were better.

As I was thinking about all my efforts on the first attempt, a scripture came to mind.

All hard work brings a profit, but mere talk leads only to poverty. Proverbs 14:23

Not what I was thinking after my first attempt.

I was thinking, what a waste of time. All that effort, and just look at it.

I felt as though Father was saying, “The profit wasn’t in the product you made after the first attempt, it was in the experience that you gained.”

….. Next time, could you just give me a word of knowledge so that I could get it right first time, please. 🙂

Was Father even trying to tell me to do it differently on the first attempt?
But I just didn’t hear Him?

I did get a sense that Father was also saying, “Sometimes you just need to try things more than once. The first attempt or attempts are just learning experiences for that final run, which is coming. Don’t give up just because your first try didn’t go as you expected it to. Just keep working at it and you will get there in the end.”

I do think that when we are dealing with issues in our lives with Father, then sometimes we need to go over the same ground more than once.
It can be like peeling back an onion, one layer at a time.
Sometimes Father may bring a word of knowledge, like a knife to cut through several layers of the onion in one go, but other times He will just do the process of one layer at a time.

Will we follow his prompting and trust that He knows what is best?

If you do feel that you are just going over old ground time and time again, then can you learn something from the experience so that you can do better next time?

All hard work brings a profit, but mere talk leads only to poverty. Proverbs 14:23

If we are working through something with Father then it will lead to a profit.
The form of that profit might just be different to what we thought it might have been.
Can we have eyes to see things as Father wants us to see them?

Father,
Help us to look to You in all things.
Help us to trust You, and to follow Your prompting.
If we feel that we are just going over old ground then please lead and guide us so that we can do better on the next try.
You are our Loving Father who is there for us.
Thank you that You are for us.
Amen.

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Is there a time to remain silent?

There can be times when we are wrongly accused of something.
When these times happen, then how do we react?

Our first reaction might be to defend ourselves.
Stating, “This is actually the truth.”
Some times, this course of action could be the correct thing to do, but other times, it could possibly cause us more problems.

As I was thinking on this, the thought of Jesus, before His accusers came to mind. Jesus was silent before his accusers.
He let His actions speak for Him.

We can see one of the results of His actions when He died, in Luke 23:47, The centurion, seeing what had happened, praised God and said, “Surely this was a righteous man.”

His actions spoke loud and clear about who He was.

Are there times when we need to follow His example?
Are there times when we need to remain silent, instead of trying to defend ourselves?

If Father is telling us to remain silent, then if we try to defend ourselves, are we just throwing our pearls to the pigs?

Matthew 7:6 “Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces.

Father knows the Truth and ALL THINGS!
His opinion of us should be the only one that matters.

This can be a very tough thing to put into practice, but if Father is leading you to be silent, then it is best to follow His prompting.

John 10:27 My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me.

Father,
There are times to speak and times to be silent.
Help us to know the difference.
Help to to know when to speak up and when to be silent.
Help us to always look to You to be our guide, so that we can follow Your way.
You are Lord God Almighty and know what is best.
There is none greater than You.
Amen.

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Don’t get stuck in the Glue.

This is a picture that came to me one Sunday morning at church, when things didn’t go as smoothly as people wanted them to.

A man was running a race and making good progress.
The trickster was about though.
He had placed a lot of glue and then oil on the track.
When the runner got to the glue on the track, the runners progress slowed. It was suddenly hard going.
The runner had half a thought to stop and rest, but he was in and race.
So he just kept on going, and made it past the glue, where the going was good again.
The runner soon came up to the section of track with oil on it.
Whooooh, almost fell over there. Skating about a bit now??? Thought the runner. He just about managed to maintain his balance and not fall over.
Progress was slowed again. He just had to concentrate on not loosing his balance as he made his way through the oil.
His pace was slowed, but the runner kept his eyes on the finish line, and kept moving in the right direction. In time, he made it past the oiled section of the track, and could then run unhindered yet again.
The trickster’s attempts to stop the runner had failed.

When life throws difficulties our way, can we end up feeling like the runner making his way through the glue and oil?

If you feel like you are in the glue, then just keep moving.
Don’t give the glue time to set!
If you can keep moving, then just keep doing that, heading in the right direction.
If you do stop for too long, then the glue could set, and to start moving again could take that much more effort. You might have to chisel your way out of the glue, or leave your shoes behind.
It’s best to just keep moving.
If you need to take a rest then head for a rest station, where you can rest in safety for a while, but do your best to not stop in the glue.

If you feel as if you are skating about on the oil, then try to keep your balance.
Keep the finishing line in your sights, so you know which direction to head into.
Do your best to remain up on your feet. Your progress might be slower than you’d like, but just keep heading in the right direction.
If you do fall over it could be fun and games to regain your feet (it could be hard, but not impossible).
So do all you can to keep your balance and keep moving to the finish line.

Those who can keep their focus will have a better chance to make it through the glue and oil and onto the finishing line, where the prize awaits for those who complete the race.

2 Timothy 4:7-8

I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day – and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing.

Father,
Help us all go keep our eyes on you at all times, so we can keep heading in the right direction.
Please give us the extra strength we we need, when we feel that we are going through the glue.
Please give us a good sense balance if we feel as though we are skating on the oil.
Thank you that You are with us and will never leave us, as You promised us.
You are our Lord God Almighty.
Amen.

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How can we help those who don’t want help?

In my last post I effectively wrote about how we can try to help, but instead just shake things up a bit.
In this weeks post I will try to offer a picture/advice about how to help someone who is in need but doesn’t know how to, or doesn’t want to ask for help.
I have been in this position, so hopefully I can share something that might help somebody.

I think that a good place to start is a picture.
The thought that came to me was one of those videos that can be seen online, where an animal has caught itself in something and can’t get free.
Then the brave hero comes to set it free.

The animal I’m thinking of is a deer with it’s antlers caught in a fence made of a netting material.
The deer is wanting to break free, but it is helplessly caught in the fence and is becoming very distressed.

When the hero approaches the deer, he does so slowly and calmly.
The deer may well not understand a word the hero says, but he can still use his voice in a calm way in order to try to put the deer at ease, as much as he can.

There is so much to be said about this first bit alone.

Some of my thoughts are, the hero needs to have a calm way about them.
If they are frustrated, then they could very easily bring that frustration into a already tense situation, and then just add fuel to the fire.
If we have frustrations with us, then endeavour to leave those frustrations outside of our helping the deer.
If we can’t do that, then leave the task for someone who can.

As you approach the deer, how you act communicates to the deer how calm you are.
If you approach in a brash manner, then you are only going to scare it that much more. It’s the same with people.
Sometimes humour can be used to lighten the situation but sometimes it can be adding fuel to a fire. Use wisdom (Fathers wisdom is best) if you use humour.

The calmness that is shown to the deer needs to be genuine.
If you are tense or there is a falseness in your calm then it is likely to be passed onto the deer.
I have seen a program where dogs are behaving badly. Sometimes the reason for this is because the owner is tense and the dog picks up on this and then acts badly.
The same principle could occur when coming close to someone who is hurting, so do try to have a peace that is genuine.
A peace from God, would be good to have.

If you dwell on this first part with Father, then He could possibly speak the thing you need to know, for where you are, better than anything I can type here.

As the Hero gets closer to the deer, he then tries to make a connection with the deer.
He just tries to pat the deer and reassure it, that he means no harm.
He doesn’t just try to cut the netting free.
Making a connection with people is so important.
A friend is more likely to be listened to rather than a stranger who just waltzes in and tries to do what is needed.
The stranger who just waltzes in is only likely to be hurt with one of those antlers and do no good in the process of trying to help.

As the hero gets closer to the head, he looks closely at what the situation is before making any cuts to the netting. He is not in a rush to cut the netting away.
Try to use all your senses to appraise what is going on.
Ears that are open to Father’s words and prompts are going to be your best asset.

Sometimes a second person comes along to help the hero.

You don’t have to do it all on your own!
Ask others for help and support if you need it.

Not everyone needs to be in the trenches with you though.
One or a few people in the thick of things could help. But beware, too many cooks could spoil the brew.

Many people could pray for you, the deer, the situation or wherever Father leads you/them to pray, but not everyone needs to know everything.
Use wisdom with what is shared.
Don’t feel that everyone needs to know everything just so that they can pray better. Father knows it all already.
Nobody likes the thought that they are the talk of the town.
If you think prayer is needed (which it probably is) then ask what can be shared, if it is appropriate to do so.

At some point the deer is wrestled to the ground and subdued in order to set it free.
No, I’m not going to suggest you wrestle the hurt/needy one to the ground.
However, at some point you might need to say or do something that is uncomfortable.
Use wisdom (Fathers wisdom, again, is best).
Try to ensure that love is at the core of your actions and not frustration.
Sometimes, things do just need to be said or done.
Expect to feel some resistance when doing this and try to not take offence from the others reactions.

When the deer is finally set free it just runs off into the distance.
Sometimes, when you have helped someone, they might just walk or run away.

Do your best to not take offense at this.
Instead be happy and joyful that you have helped someone in need.
Father sees your actions and if you have helped someone, then He will be pleased with you.
Father being pleased with us should be enough.

Hopefully the one you help will be able to say thank you, but don’t expect it. A thank you might come in time or it might not.
Look to Father to ask if you have done ok, and then let what He says to you be enough.

I think that is the end of me drawing lessons from the picture.
Father could add just what you need to hear if you will seek Him for His wisdom.

I would like to add a couple more things.

When you are in times of trouble, the one thing you need most is just simply a good friend.
A good friend who prayed with me and invited me to dinner on a regular basis was a great help to me when I was in need.

In my time of need the one thing I didn’t want was to be someone’s project.
This might be why I was not so inclined to share.
Although at the time I didn’t know (mostly) what to share or ask for in terms of help.

Whatever you do, try to let love be your driving force.
If you are trying to help from any other driving force then you might or might not be a help. If love is your main driving force, then hopefully Father will be guiding your steps.

If Father is leading and guiding you, then expect a break through.
For with Fathers help, all things are possible.

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Something of our Testimony, Part 2

If you haven’t read Part 1, then it might make sense to read that one first.
You know, read chapter 1 before chapter. 2 🙂

There is going to be a lot of references to past posts here. (Links should be highlighted.)

If Father makes something stand out to you, then that might be one for you to have a closer look at.

So, what have I (we) learnt form all our troubles?

I think that my wife summed it up nicely when I spoke to her about writing these posts.
She said, “It’s like God has been the glue, holding us together.”

What a true statement that is!
If we didn’t have the help of our Heavenly Father, then how would we have kept it together? It was tough enough with His help.

The short answer to what have I learnt, is a lot of the posts that I have posted on Wannabe Christian Doorman. Which all (hopefully) say that it is better to turn to God rather than to just rant and rave at Him.

If we need to let steam off, then Father is able to listen to us and to help us.

But we do need to come to the place where we run to Father, rather than just keep moaning to, or at Him.

We need to be willing to listen to Him.

One of the pictures He spoke to me was I see a Vessel. He was asking me to let Him in, even though I thought I couldn’t handle anything.

I’ve learnt that sometimes you need to choose life, even when it hurts. The Calling Abyss explains this one.

I was fortunate that I already knew about the power of forgiveness, (Forgiveness is Key) and it has served me well to be quick to forgive. (Although sometimes, I’ve not been as quick to do this as I should.)

The idea of accepting where you are, came from a counsellor who explained that just accepting where you are can have the ability of stopping you from feeling like a victim.

In effect, it is you making the choice to remain where you are, even though you don’t like it.

It took me some time to be convinced of that one, but I can now say that there is a truth to it.

Add to accept, repent and forgive, and you then have three little words of power.

Yes, another post of, Accept, Repent and Forgive, there is power here!

In order to truly learn that message, I had the opportunity to put what I wrote into practise, hence Accept, Repent and Forgive (a practical example)

I’ve also come to the idea that sometimes you just need to do something, instead of just stopping and dwelling on poor little me.

Why is it that when you have troubles people can tend to tell you to rest up, and do nothing? looks into this idea a bit more.

We do need to use wisdom, when looking for what to do.
Trying to climb Mount Everest when your suffering with fatigue is never going to be a good idea.
But a small helpful word to someone, could possibly help you also.
There is a blessing to be had in giving.

I have found that as I turn to Father, then His grace is sufficient for me.

Sometimes I have been to slow to turn to him and sometimes I didn’t even know quite what that meant.

It is in them times that I was just doing what I wrote about in, How Do You Pray when you feel you just can’t do anything?

I’ve learnt that it is good to sing praises to God at all times, and all the more so when you are in the middle of a storm. “I’ll Raise a Hallelujah” is a battle cry, looks into this one. (In a round about way).

I have learnt that you do have a choice, as to what you will do.

For me I have found that it is better to remain in the place of, yet I will praise the Lord, in spite of all that is going on around you.
Habakkuk sums this one up nicely.

Habakkuk 3:17-19
Though the fig-tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the sheepfold and no cattle in the stalls,
yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Saviour.
The Sovereign Lord is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to tread on the heights.

I’ve also learnt that sometimes you need to look hard to find things to be thankful for.
It can be easy to see the things to complain about, but to find the blessings that you do have, well, that can take a bit more effort to find.
It’s a search that is worth doing though.
As a simple song says,
Count your blessings.
Count them one by one.
Count your blessings, see what the Lord has done.

There are plenty more lessons that I have learnt through all that we have gone through.
These are the lessons which Father has lead me to share here.
I do have an archive page of Posts about Struggles where further post can be found. (An entire archive page about struggles… Have I known some struggles then…??? 🙂 )

I am also aware that things could have been so much worse, and that there are some, whose load is heavier than ours.
No matter how heavy your load is, if you can come to the place of running to Father, then you too can know the power of
2 Corinthians 12:9
 “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”

Writing this post, has just kind of flowed.
Starting it was a different matter.
I had so many thoughts flying around, then I was distracted and then I had to say no to, I’ll just do this instead.
It almost feels as if someone didn’t want it to be written…???
Once I started, it just worked.
Sometimes we just need to start, and then trust that Father will lead us to where He wants us to go.

Father,
Again and again I say thank you, that You are for us.
Help us all to look to You for all our needs.
You are our Loving Father who is for us.
Help us all to remain in you, all of our days.
Amen.

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Something of our Testimony, Part 1

This a post that I never really wanted to write. But it just seems right to do this now. I do have to follow Father’s prompting, after all.

So why am I writing this now?
It is a follow up to the two previous posts of, It just isn’t Fair and How can a God who is all Loving allow ….. to happen?
It might be possible to argue that it’s easy to write what I did from a happy place, but I have known troubles, as you are about to read. It is because of the troubles that I have known, that I can say, His grace is sufficient for me.

This has to come with a warning. If you don’t like sad stories, then stop reading now.

So, where to start?

My wife and I had been married for a couple of years and was expecting our first child. Times were looking good. That is until my wife had her first scan. Our baby’s heart wasn’t beating.

That was just the start of a very bad year.

She had a miscarriage shortly after the scan, but then needed to have a procedure to clear away the remainder that was left. Between the miscarriage and the procedure I managed to have an accident with the car.

A squirrel ran into the road. The first car stopped, so did the second. I was the third car, and didn’t stop in time. Instead I tried to fit a big car into a small gap, (looking for a space to get out of trouble) only to find that it didn’t fit. Hence the car was written off, to add to the mix of troubles.

The day of the procedure came and my mum took my wife to the hospital. I had no car after all.
That morning, when I said goodbye to my wife, was last time I saw her as she should have been.

I went to the hospital to pick her up to find that she had reacted badly to the anaesthetic. I think that she was a bit groggy and not with it at that point. The nurses were concerned but not overly so.
So she stayed in for what was meant to be a night.

I came back the following morning to find the nurses were more concerned. She was having seizures. When I saw the first one it was scary. The really scary bit is when you start to become immune to them (because you have seen to many by that point) and you then just go, oh here comes another one.

The doctor came in time and gave some medication to stop the seizures. Quite what happened next is a bit of a blur now. But my my wife stayed in hospital for a further night or nights while I went home again.

The next big scare was after a lumber puncture. One of the tests they did in order to diagnose what was happening.

She had a few small seizures, but the doctors didn’t want to use medication at that point as they were small and hoped that it wouldn’t be needed.
Short version, they were wrong.
The nurses were following the doctors advice, and I needed to make a fuss when it was clear that it was the wrong route to take.
She did eventually get the medication she needed and I went home while, my wife rested again.
The night was more stressful than I have made it sound here. (That was the short version.)

A couple of day’s later I received a phone call from the hospital asking me to go in.
As I entered they were moving my wife to an ambulance to transfer her to a neurological ward in another hospital. They were basically telling me things were going very wrong. I can still remember one thing they said to me.
It was, ” I don’t think that you understand how bad things are. Your wife could stop breathing at any moment and we won’t be able to resuscitate her.”

As I said, it went very wrong.

She didn’t die.
She did however spend a week, or there about, in a coma, gradually coming back round.
When she did come out of the coma, she was left with life changing health issues to deal with.

We did, after a while, get the diagnosis of a stroke. Bleeds and clots of the smaller blood vessels, which is worse apparently, on both sides of her brain.

My wife spent the best part of a year doing a tour of London hospitals as the doctors tried to find a cause for the stroke. Not an easy task to complete. Many things were ruled out, but no definitive answer was found.

Many months went by (possibly about 7 or 8 months) before my wife was able to start coming home, for overnight stays to start off with. After almost a year she was able to come back home, with a full time carer.

She still had mobility issues and problems with short term memory.
The short term memory issues meant that learning anything was (and still is to an extent) that much more difficult. Not what you need when there is a need to learn how to adapt to your new normal.
On top of that she was also registered as partially sighted. It should have been partially blind, but my wife would have none of it. “I’m not blind, look I can see.” She insisted to me.
It was the same battle when it came to the disabled badge. “I don’t need one of them, I’m not disabled.”
“Sorry, but yes you are”, I had to gently insist.

In the early part of her recovery, she had lost a lot of her memory.
She forgot that we were married. She thought that her wedding ring was an engagement ring. It was only when I showed her our wedding pictures that she accepted that we were married.
To say that her recovery was tough is very much so an understatement.

At one point I did buy a motorbike to be able to get about and back and forth from the hospital.
It got stolen, and the kids who stole it were then riding it in the local park.
I almost got it back at one point. Me and my brother were looking for it, on the day it was stolen, and saw it coming towards us. He blocked the road with his car and I then tried to close the gap on the pavement. As the bike was going past me, I jumped at it. I must have looked like superman flying through the air, only to discover that I don’t have the power to fly. Hence, I landed on the floor shouting arrrrrr.
It was probably for the best that I didn’t catch them, it’s not good to dwell on what could have happened if I had.

I ended up buying a better bike, and a better lock/s. So I was mobile again.

I remember when the twin towers came down. I watched it on a TV at work. I saw it and just thought, “Oh, that looks bad, but I’m off to the hospital now.” It’s not that I didn’t care, it’s just that my attention was on what I (and my wife) had to deal with.

There is lots I haven’t said. It would probably take an entire book (or series of them) to note down everything. (If I could even remember it all.)

Many people were very supportive, my wife’s parents were very much so included in this, as any good parents would be. But they live a two hour car journey away. So they were limited to what they could do.
What they could do, they did do, and both me and my wife are very thankful for all that they did.

My mum, being local, was able to be more involved. She was and still is a great help to us both.

Our church was very much so praying for us.
I was told that on the first Sunday when it went very wrong, the church spent that morning praying for us both.
In the early days when my wife was in the local hospital, she was not short of visitors. There might have even been someone scheduling who could go in and at what time. I always had the last slot.
Even when she was in the London hospitals, there was still quite regularly someone calling in on her.

On the day when it went very wrong, our pastor came to the ward, where we were, and with great faith and boldness, both he and his wife prayed for instant healing.
The way they prayed left me half expecting her to just get up, but there was the other side of me that just kind of laughed.
Sorry. It was just so different to what I was experiencing at that point.
Both me and my wife are still waiting for fulfilment of that prayer, that did have that something extra to it.
An answer postponed is not a no, just a delay.

It has been tough at times to know that, God is able to heal my wife, but for whatever reason, He just hasn’t done so…. yet.
It is during these times that we just need to trust and obey, and follow His leading.

I’ll be finishing this post here, it is a bit longer than I thought it was going to be.
But for this week, it will be a two for one posting 🙂
Due now is Part 2, What did we learn through all this?

______________________

There is an update/correction to this testimony. It centers around something that happened, that I just glossed over. It was effectively My Ugly Rock. It started with a picture, that I was given, which then turned into me dealing with my Ugly Rock. Which then became a mini series of posts. (Numbering 5) For anyone who would like to read them, the first one is…

Will you work with Our Lord, to shape, your Ugly Rock?

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How can a God who is all Loving allow ….. to happen?

This is a follow up from last week’s post. If you haven’t read the last post, It just isn’t fair, then please do consider reading that one first, as that post sets my mind set for this post.

Brief summary of last week’s post.
Life isn’t fair.
Jesus told us this in Matthew 20 1-16.
God says “My grace is sufficient for you.”

You really do need to read the whole post to understand them three short statements.

In order to try to answer the question of why does God allow ….. to happen, I think that we need to first look at where (or who) the question is coming from.

I do believe that the enemy (the devil) is the one who wispers that very thought into our minds.

It is, after all, a very effective thought that can keep people away from God.

If you are focusing on all that is wrong, then you are not seeing all the goodness that God has for you.

It’s an age old tactic that the enemy has been using since the fall, all the way back in Genesis 3. If he can get you to listen to him, instead of God, then he (the enemy) can lead you astray by questioning if God does indeed know what is best.
God is God and does actually know what is best!

As I wrote about last week, life just isn’t fair.
Suffering is another aspect of that unfairness.

The real question should be, how will you deal with …. when you see or experience it?

Ultimately, we can stand and shake our fist at God and ask “What are you doing?” Or we can run to Him and ask, “Lord, help us”

When everything else is cut away, we are then left with.
Will you blame God for …. , or will you call out to Him for help?

You could even possibly be part of the solution to …. , if you will just follow His steps that He has for you???

A friend of mine once said a really irritating phrase to me. If you are not part of the solution then you are part of the problem.

I think that he said it to be funny, and a bit irritating, but I do see a truth here. (Or at least a partial truth.)

If there is rubbish on the street and you just walk past it, then you are part of the problem of rubbish on the street, by ignoring it and walking past it. (Do you see how irritating this statement can be?)

We can always endeavour to not add to the problem by putting our own rubbish into a bin or taking it home to deal with.

There are some problems that are too big for you to be the answer to.
I have written a post on this idea already called, Somebody else’s problem.

There are some thing’s where we can possibly be part of the solution and there are some things where it is not for us to intervene. We need to use wisdom to know the difference.

If we choose to not be part of the solution (when God has asked us to be part of the solution) then the answer to the question of, why do you allow …. , is because “You won’t do what was asked of you.”

How many times has God said, “I see the problem and I have a solution, I made you and put you in a place where you can be part of the solution.”

To try and keep the thinking in its most simple form, is there a something wrong where you could be part of the solution?
If world hunger is something that you think is wrong, then do you support a charity with regular giving (that you are able to do) that is fighting against world hunger?

Are you starting to see how you could possibly be part of the solution to some things?

For some suffering, it can appear that there is no such answer to it. Health problems can be one such suffering.

If bad health affects us, then how will we deal with this?

Will we stand and shake our fist at God, asking “How can you allow this to happen?” Or will you run to God and ask, “Lord, help me!”

It is when we are suffering that God will say to us all the more, “My grace is sufficient for you.” If we will only call out to Him.

You might be tempted to say, “It’s easy for you to say that, but you don’t see what I’m going through.”

I don’t know what it is that you are going through, but I have known my own troubles. In next week’s post I plan to share some of my and my wife’s testimony with the hope that it might help someone else who is going through something, and help you to understand my point of view that much better.

In closing this post I still think that Father’s last word to us will still be, “My grace is sufficient for you.” (From 2 Corinthians 12:9)

Father,
It’s never easy when we are suffering.
Seeing or experiencing it.
Help us to look to You at all times, and all the more so in times of trouble.
You are our Loving Father and You are there to help us.
So help us to run to You so that You can be our help, so that we can all say, Your grace is sufficient for me.
Amen.

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It Just Isn’t Fair!

How many times have you just spoken or thought those words?
It just isn’t fair.

If you are anything like me then it could be too many times to count.

In the world we can see many things which we think aren’t right or fair, but when we come to Father, then can we expect things to be fair?

We can expect Father to be righteous and just, but can we expect Father to be fair…. from our point of view…???

I have recently heard a teaching on Matthew 20 1-16
It’s the parable where a landowner goes out and agrees with workers to pay a denarius for a days work. He then goes out later in the day and hires more workers and agrees to pay them whatever is right.
By the end of the day the land owner has several groups of people who have been working for different amounts of time who need to be paid.

Have a read of Matthew 20 1-16 to get the full picture.

When the workers are to be paid, the landowner starts with the last to be hired, and then pays them a denarius.
He does this with all the workers right up to the first to be hired.

When the first to be hired is given their denarius, they then start to grumble.
You have made us the same as those who have just been hired, even though we have borne the the burden of work and the heat of the day.

From our human view point we can all see this as unfair.
Why should one who has only worked an hour receive the same as one who has worked all day long?

The landowner replies in verse 13-15
13 “But he answered one of them, ‘I am not being unfair to you, friend. Didn’t you agree to work for a denarius? 14 Take your pay and go. I want to give the one who was hired last the same as I gave you. 15 Don’t I have the right to do what I want with my own money? Or are you envious because I am generous?’

The parable is started with the words, “For the kingdom of heaven is like..”

I used to think that this was a reference to those who make a confession of faith late in life.

I have no problem with the idea that those who come to Christ later in life are still able to enjoy the same salvation as me, who’s been around a little while.
But listening to the speaker, he was saying that the kingdom of heaven, might just not be fair (from our point of view).

The clue to this is in verse 1. The kingdom of heaven is like….

So does this mean that the Kingdom of heaven might not be quite as fair as I thought it was?

Some might be blessed more than others…???

Some might have troubles while others will have blessings…???

That is very much so starting to sound like what life is actually like.

So, was Father telling us all in advance that we will not all have the same lot in life?

Was Father telling us that, we can expect life as a Christian to be unfair, from our point of view?

This should not be such a revelation as it is only stating how life actually is.

The question really should then be, how will we deal with this apparent unfairness?

Will we complain and grumble like the first workers did?

Do we even have any grounds to grumble at God?

God is God and anyone who might want to grumble to God is going to be on the loosing side of the discussion.

But do we even have anything to complain about in the first place?

What is our focus on?

What others are receiving or what is available is us?

As I think about this, the one phrase that keeps coming back to me is, “My grace is sufficient for you.” 2 Corinthians 12:9

Are we able to focus on the grace that we are receiving or are we focusing on what others appear to have?

Very early on in the ten commandments we are told not to covert anything, so isn’t this just saying the same thing?

Focus on what you have, instead of what others have.

It appears that it is such an important idea, that Jesus gave us a parable to teach us this very lesson.

So, if we are going through hard times, will we be able to be pleased for someone who is being blessed by Father, even though we may be struggling, because His grace is sufficient for us.
Or will we be focusing on what someone else is receiving, only to miss the blessings that is available to us, if we could only see and receive it?

Is this part of what it means to have a God’s Kingdom mindset?

Focus on where you are instead of where others are?
Likewise, focus on what you have rather than what others have, even if it appears as if it is unfair, at times.

I do believe that Father’s final word to us would be, “My grace is sufficient for you.”
Will we be able to see and step into the grace He has for us?

Father,
Thank you that Your grace is sufficient for me.
Help me to see this more and more so that I can step into all that you have for me.
Help me not to focus on what other are receiving but to focus on what You have for me, so that I can keep in step with You.
Amen.