getting it wrong – Wannabe Christian Doorman

When darkness descends, it can be bad.

This is going to be one of those warts and all testimonial posts, that I’d be happy for you to not read. 🙂
I’m personally thinking that it’s brave or stupid to publish it. (More stupid than brave is my thinking.) The short version of what happened is, I crashed my car into a kerb. The full version can be read on another Blog Site of, Warning 400BHP. With a follow up post of, “Lessons Learned, from a Bad Experience“.
If you know of anyone who is new to a high powered car, then sharing those posts, could possibly help them to not make the mistakes that I made.
Below is what was written at the time, as I was going through it.

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The title of this post is the softly softly version.
The title I was thinking was too dark for me to even write. But suffice to say, when things go wrong, then a darkness can descend very quickly.

I’m not going to go into the details of what has happened here. I might or might not cover it on another post (or blog site). But troubles of a fashion have come along, of my own making.
I made a mistake, and now I have to deal with the consequences. It could have been so much worse, and I am thankful that it wasn’t. But that is not enough to stop the darkness, a replay of what happened.
Writing it out helps, hence this post. To be or not to be published???

I don’t want to have a pity party, but in some respects here I am.
I will seek the light and My Lord God Almighty!
It’s not easy, as I write this. Part of me just wants to run and hide, pretend it didn’t happen. But it did, and part of dealing with it is facing up to it, even though I don’t want to.
A need to apply three little words, comes yet again. Accept, Repent and Forgive.
The forgiving bit includes myself for getting it wrong in the first place. (Sometimes not an easy thing to do.)

I need to turn my back to The Calling Abyss, and face up to what has happened. Then try to deal with the consequences, as best I can.
Help is available. PLEASE Lord, Help me.

I know that my situation is small and a lucky escape, but the darkness still beckons.
Lord I hand it over to You, yet again.
My small thing, that really is nothing, I hand it to You again.
Please take away my pain and hurt.
The shame that I feel, God, of being so silly.
I know that it’s all out of proportion.
Please, still the voice of the enemy.
Make my ear attentive to Your words.

I was at church this morning, trying to (and failing to), not keep running through it, and what needs to be done, all over again. I am a place of light, yet the darkness wants to creep in, even here.
Some thoughts came to me, as the pastor was talking about coming to God.
When the darkness comes, it can be very dark and all consuming. Seek the light, Seek the Light, Seek the Light!

I can’t share this, I’m almost crying, just thinking it.
Just need to do it at the moment. Being in church is a good place to be. Few people actually know what’s going on, on the inside at the moment. My Lord God Almighty KNOWS though. Just need to seek His Light.

I’ve got praise music playing in the background, just need to listen to it now and take in biblical truths.

Who the Son sets free, is free indeed.
I’m a child of God. Yes I am.
In my Father’s House there’s a place for me.
I am chosen, not forsaken.
I am who You say I am.
You are for me, not against me.
I am who You say I am.

Now I just need to believe it, that little bit more.
Please help me to take it in, and to continue to seek You and Your Light, My Lord God Almighty.

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The word of, “When the darkness comes, Seek The Light“, was written into a post, which was published, very close to the time it was written. (The link above takes you to that post, if you wanted to read it???)

It can be all too easy to drop the ball.

I shared a blog post this morning with my pastor, which he then shared with the church.

I tend not to do this. I don’t tend to get the moments of, “I need to share this now.” This morning wasn’t that different, but I did have an inclination that a post was relevant to what had just been spoken.
So I just accessed the post on my phone, and shared it with my pastor, with the words, we can all fall back on, of, “I don’t know if this is just me or God, but I just thought that I would show this to you.”

Short version, he did like it, and shared it with the church.

A few people said that it was good, but then one person said, “That was good what you shared today, it was for me.”

This is where I dropped the ball.
The post was, I see a Vessel.
Short version of the post, it’s about someone being broken on the inside, while appearing that everything is OK on the outside. God is then asking, “Let me in, so that I can then rebuild and strengthen you.”

Rather than sharing a further word from the Lord, (He will sometimes bring just the right word) or asking, “Would you like me to pray for you about this?” Well I did neither of these things.
Instead, I just explained that it was a post from my blog site, and then went onto to show were the post could be accessed on line.
I’m thinking that it wasn’t just shameless blog post advertising, but a thought of, “You can find a written version here, if you would like to re-read it.”

But why didn’t I just offer to pray for, or with this person?
I could have so easily made the offer. I feel that I should have done just this, make the offer of prayer.

I’ve been in that position.
The picture was given to me when I was the broken one.
I’ve also seen someone get excited, that they had heard correctly from God about a picture, that they had been given, about my being broken, and then miss what the message meant. Namely, about me being broken.

That time left me thinking, “It’s all well and good, you being excited about your hearing correctly from God, but have you actually heard the message you have been given?”

And now I’m effectively doing the very same thing.
Oh dear, how quickly we can drop the ball.
I did pray for them, afterwards, but wouldn’t it have been better, to have made the offer of prayer, to them, at the time?

Did I become the fool who offered to get a cup of tea, when an ambulance call was needed instead? (That’s a reference to “A modern day plank in the eye” post. Sorry, but there’s no short version for that one.)

Instead of feeling pleased with myself, that I might have got something right, couldn’t I have actually seen the person in front of me who was opening up to me, about their struggling, and then try to offer something else, that may be of help to them?
Something from Our Heavenly Father, would have been the best thing to bring.

Hopefully it wasn’t as bad as I’m making it out here. But even if it was, all I can do now, is to admit, ball dropped. Now don’t try to be too hard on yourself.
Just pick it up, and try to do better next time.
After all, you don’t learn to juggle, without dropping a ball or two.