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A Correct Word, at the wrong time, can do Great Damage.

I took a wrap taken out of the freezer just recently. I must have caught the very edge slightly, as the edge broke off in my hand. It made me think, that if I tried to fold the wrap, straight our of the freezer, then it wouldn’t fold, as it is meant to. Instead, it would just break.

Now, a wrap when it’s not frozen, can be easily folded.
It’s what’s meant to happen to it. You are meant to put a filling in it, and then fold it over to make a tasty treat.

But if you tried to fold it when it’s frozen, well, it’s a different matter as it’s brittle, not willing to be folded.
Try to fold a frozen wrap, and it will break! It needs to be defrosted first.

Once it is defrosted, it can then be folded, as it is meant to be, so it can be that useful tasty treat.

It all made me think, can we sometimes know a correct word that needs to be spoken, but, it can be the wrong time to speak it?
Maybe because it will not be received well, for whatever reason?
(Sometimes we may have an idea of the reason, and other times we may have no idea of the reason.)
Do we sometimes need to wait for the right time to speak the correct word?

Our Fathers timing is always going to be best!
We just need to follow His prompting of when to speak, and when to remain quiet. Hearing Our Heavenly Father’s thoughts, could make all the difference.

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Another thought has just come to me.
If we speak a word, as directed by Our Heavenly Father, and then it all seems to go wrong, it doesn’t necessarily mean that we have done the wrong thing. (Although sometimes it might be just that.)
But sometimes, things can have a way that they just need to go, before they improve.
Sometimes, do we need to, not be afraid of the pre-breakthrough pressure?

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Do we think that we are better than we are?

This is a question that has been playing on my mind recently.
I’d like you think that I am perfect, but I know that I’m not. 😦
I know this for certain, as the bible tells me so.

Romans 3 10-12
10 As it is written:

“There is no one righteous, not even one;
11     there is no one who understands;
    there is no one who seeks God.
12 All have turned away,
    they have together become worthless;
there is no one who does good,
    not even one.”

So, if the bible tells me that I’m not perfect, as there is no one righteous, then why do I have so much trouble truly knowing and understanding this?

I can know this in my mind, but my actions can speak a different story. My actions can sometimes bring me to the place of arrogance.

I don’t think that I’m generally an arrogant person (please, don’t let me know if you think differently 🙂 ).
I like to think that I’m a seeing and understanding person.
Oh dear, is that arrogance rearing it’s ugly head? (In a post about arrogance.)
Is there any hope for me? (Hopefully, the answer to that one is yes. 🙂 )

Part of my problem is that I can see things and get them very right, but in the same sentence, I can also get things very wrong, on a huge scale, to the point where onlookers can think, “What is going through his head?”

I do actually know this to be true. So when someone points out an error to me, I do want to know, if I have got something wrong.
My outward actions may speak a different story, but if I am wrong, then I would like to know it. So that I can then do better next time.

How do we react to correction is something that I have written about in a previous post of, Sahara desert or Sahara dessert?

Now, the bible also tells us to be bold.

Joshua 1:9
9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”

2 Timothy 1:7
7 For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.

In the above scripture it talks about us having power, but with love and self-discipline. Does having those last two characteristics make the difference between boldness and arrogance?

If we are operating from a position of love and self-discipline, then are we more likely to be keeping in step with Our Lord God’s will?

So if we are acting in our own strength, could we be heading towards arrogance, but if we are following the Lords prompting, then are we just being bold, acting out of obedience?

Keeping in step with Our Lord God can make all the difference.

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What does it mean, to be Yoked to The Lord?

Matthew 11:28-30

28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

In last week’s post, I effectively asked the question, “Can we find our rest, in the work that we should be doing?“
This week’s post, I guess is part 2. 🙂

When we look at the bible passage above, we can see in verse 28 that a rest is available to us, if we are willing to go to Our Lord.
But do we read verses 29 and 30, in order to see how we can enter into the rest, that is available?

Verses 29 and 30 speak of a work to be done.
You don’t put a yoke onto on ox, and then send it out into a field to graze. You put a yoke onto an ox, because there is a work to be done, of some sort. To put a yoke onto an ox, to send it out, into a field to graze, just seems to be a bit mean, to me.

In verse 29, we can also see that we are meant to take on Our Lords yoke. “Take my yoke upon you and learn from me”. It matters, who we join ourselves to.
What or who, is the biggest influence, in our lives?

It may still seem a bit strange to associate rest with work, but I can’t, not see it anymore. As I continue to look at it, it just makes more sense to me.

Being yoked, means that a load is shared between the two, who are yoked together, so that a greater work, can then be done, than could be done by one alone.
Is this part of where the rest comes from?
Someone to share our burden with, as we work with, the One we are yoked to?

Being yoked, does mean that there is a need to remain at the same pace, working together. In verse 29, we can see that we are meant to take His yoke onto us and to learn from Him.
I clearly see this as us going at Our Lord’s pace, and not the other way around.

But what does this yoke actually look like?
Sometimes it may seem as if nothing has changed, even after trying to come to Our Lord. We can go through our week, just the same as we usually do, looking for a difference, but not seeing any.

But what if the difference is being yoked to Our Lord, with Our Lord setting our pace of how we should be going, whilst He bears the load with us?
Does He sometimes bear a greater load, than we realise?

If we are tired and weary, is it because there is an element of us trying to do things at our pace, using only our own strength?
If we try to do things at His pace, and relying on His strength to help us, is this where a restful state can then become a reality?

I shared these thoughts with a friend recently, and he said that he could see where I was coming from. He then went onto effectively say that, if he was mindful of Our Lord, by praying or just including The Lord in what he was doing, then things just kind of came together and worked.
But if he lost sight of The Lord, then he could end up being overloaded, and just chasing his tail.

It amazed me to hear a testimony from a friend, agreeing with the thoughts, that have been shared in this post.
Could we all have a similar testimony, if we all came to Our Lord God, and then took on His Yoke?
If we allowed Him to set our pace and let Him bear our load, with us?

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Will we find Our Rest, in the Work that we Should be doing?

Matthew 11:28-30
28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

Yes, I know. The title of this post may seem to be a bit strange. Finding rest, in doing work???
But is there something to it? A yoke does imply that there is a work to do, of some sort.

I’m not suggesting that we go out and find as much work as we can, in order to find rest, that would be a recipe to be overburdened. But what if we can find a work, that brings about a rest?

I do think that we can see this, in action, in 1 Kings 17:7-16. It’s the account of when Elijah was fed by the widow at Zarepath.

There was a famine in the land, and God told Elijah to go to Zarepath, where God had instructed a widow to feed him. (1 Kings 17:9) There was only one problem with this plan. The widow had next to no food.
She was about to go home and make a final meal for herself and her son, and then die. (1 Kings 17:12)

She was not in a restful state, but one of desperation, as Elijah was asking her for some food, as God had directed him to.

How would we respond to a request, like Elijah’s?

“Are you for real? I have next to nothing, and the little that I do have, you want?” Could possibly be one of our reactions???

Fortunately, for all involved, the widow didn’t ultimately react in this way, but did make some food for Elijah, and then some for herself and her son. The result was, that her supply didn’t run out, but a miraculous provision occurred, as Elijah had spoken to her in…

1 Kings 17:14.
14 For this is what the Lord, the God of Israel, says: ‘The jar of flour will not be used up and the jug of oil will not run dry until the day the Lord sends rain on the land.’”

The widow was appointed to provide for Elijah, by God.
In doing her work, she was provided for.
She saw rest, by doing a work, that she was meant to be doing.

Are we able to do likewise?
Can we see the work, that we are meant to be doing?
Then will we do it?
If we can and do, will it then lead to a rest, through doing a work?

One final thought on this is, we are told that she made food for Elijah, herself and her son. She didn’t provide food for everyone in Zarepath, just the ones she was meant to.
Can we sometimes miss our rest, because we take on more than we should do?

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Why are you so upset by what you are reading?

Have you ever read something, to then be so upset by it?
Have you then ever thought, “Why am I so upset by this?”

A lot of the time, we may know why we are upset by ….. as it could be obvious that it is just nonsense that is just insulting. Hence the upset.

But are there times, when we just can’t put our finger on the thing that is causing the upset?
When it’s not just nonsense that is just insulting, but it unsettles us all the same, for whatever reason?
A reason that just seems to be outside of our grasp?

It can be all the more annoying, if we can kind of see something to the …… and possibly in part (or more fully) agree with the …… that we have just read. (Or even heard.)

How will we respond in such instances?
Bury it?
Turn away?
If I don’t look at it, then I’m not going to be upset by it?

Sometimes, this can be the right and valid choice to make.
But are there other times, when it could be the wrong choice to make?
Are there times when, if we just ignore the thing that unsettles us, that it is just us burying our heads in the sand?
Hoping that the trouble will just pass us by, and not cause us any harm or upset?
If we do act in this way, is this just us taking the the path of denial?
If I don’t look at it, then I don’t need to deal with it?

Are there times when God upset us, with the things that He brings to our minds?

How will we react to the thoughts that we don’t like, that actually come from Our Lord God Almighty?
Will we even recognise them as thoughts from Him?

Can we learn what His voice sounds like, so that we can then know, the difference between what we should ignore, and what we shouldn’t ignore?
Are we even willing to try to hear Our Lord God’s words to us, even if they do unsettle us?

John 10:27-28
27 My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. 28 I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one will snatch them out of my hand.

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If you are struggling with the idea of Our Loving Heavenly Father, bringing an unsettling word to His people, then have a read of the letters sent to the churches in Revelation. The letter sent to the church in Laodicea, is a bit of a challenging letter to receive. It can be found in, Revelation 3:14-22

One of the reasons,of why God could bring unsettling thoughts to us can also be found in Revelation.

Revelation 3:19-22
19 Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest and repent. 20 Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me.

21 To the one who is victorious, I will give the right to sit with me on my throne, just as I was victorious and sat down with my Father on his throne. 22 Whoever has ears, let them hear what the Spirit says to the churches.”

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Prophetic Dream, or just too much Cheese???

I shared a weird dream I had recently, and the response that I got was, “That could be prophetic?”
So I thought that I’d have a go at writing it up.

The dream, as I have said, it was weird. 🙂

There was an army unit doing a trust exercise, by passing their rifles around to each other. As a rifle was given away, a rifle was received.
If everyone was doing as they should, then everyone should get their own rifle back.

But their was one, or a number of untrustworthy members among the ranks. They had the thought of, “If I hide this one over here, I can sell it for a personal profit latter.”
When the exercise was finished, there was a number of soldiers without their rifle.
The soldiers without their rifles thought, “Oh. What do I do now? I really don’t want to make a fuss, but I have no rifle!! ???” Then I woke up.

My first thought, was, “There is a need to speak up, and highlight, that something, has gone wrong.” It may be uncomfortable to do so, to highlight that there is one among us who can’t be trusted and depended on. But the truth needs to be spoken.
A soldier without a rifle, is a problem that can’t be ignored.
The one without a rifle, is not to be blamed for being without, even if they do feel, in some way, responsible for the issue.

Another thought that I have had is, “Is there a need to be on the look out for those who can’t be trusted?”

Matthew 7:15-20
15 “Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves. 16 By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? 17 Likewise, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. 18 A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit. 19 Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. 20 Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them.

Another thought, that I had, was… In the trust exercise, how would you do?
Would you freely give, or would you only give, once you knew, that a replacement was coming your way?
Would you give in a way that leaves you vulnerable, or would you give, only if you knew that you wouldn’t be left short?

The worldly view, may be one of, I’ll release mine, when I know that a replacement is coming.
In the bible, we can see a different viewpoint.

Luke 6:37-38
37 “Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. 38 Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”

Acts 20:35
35 In everything I did, I showed you that by this kind of hard work we must help the weak, remembering the words the Lord Jesus himself said: ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’ ”

2 Corinthians 9:6-7
6 Remember this: Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously. 7 Each of you should give what you have decided in your heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.

There are many bible scriptures, that teach about giving, in a similar way. When I am thinking about giving, it doesn’t just mean finances, but of all that we have. Our time, skills or anything else that can be shared. In the picture, it was the soldiers rifle that was being shared. One of the soldiers most important pieces of equipment.

When it comes to giving, what view point do we take up?
The worldly view of, “I’ll give, when I know that I’m able to do so.”?
Or will we be more generous, following what Our Heavenly Father asks of us?
At times, that one can be quite a challenge.

Having just re-read this, I’m thinking that maybe there’s more here than just too much cheese before going to sleep. 🙂

A final thought has just come to me.
The untrustworthy ones were only made known, as the trust exercise was happening. If everybody refused to take part in the giving exercise, then the untrustworthy would not have been found out, but still in amongst the ranks.
Is there a need to be freely giving, as our Heavenly Father calls us to be, so that the untrustworthy, can then be seen, for what they are???

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Is it, Simply Complicated, or Complicatedly Simple?

The title of this post might sound like a lot of nonsense, but I do think that there is something to it. It’s a kind of, is the glass half empty of half full post.
(No, I’m not listening to the engineer who thinks that the glass is twice as big than it needs to be. 🙂 )

In all tasks, we can normally see parts that are complicated and simple in varying measures. The question is, how are you left feeling about the task at hand?

Are you left thinking, “This is simply complicated!” ? Or can you flip it around, to then be left thinking, “This is just complicatedly simple.”?
The order you place the two words in, can make a big difference.

If you see an issue as simply complicated, then it’s seeing, that there are some simple bits, but the overall impression is one of, “It’s too difficult!” It can leave us in a position of, “Where do I go now?”

If we can flip the two words around, so we then have “complicatedly simple”, then can we change our perspective?
The complications remain, but if we can break down what we need to do to smaller manageable pieces, or even just the next bit to do, then can we see the simple bits that we can do, even though the whole picture remains a bit complicated?
Hence we can end up with something that is “Complicatedly Simple”, where we can see what the next steps are.

So, when difficulties arrive, how will we see them?
Are they simply complicated?
Or can we flip it around to be Complicatedly Simple?

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How do you cope when, the wheels fall off?

I had hoped that my ugly rock posts, had finished last week. But it appears that I have at least one more.

This week’s post follows on from last week’s post of, When the Wheels Fell Off.

Those of you who read last week’s post will know that I was in a situation where I could only see two options, neither of which, I liked. The simple way of looking at those options was, endure the hardship, or run away from it.
There was actually a third option, but I never saw it.
The third option could be called, highlight the problem in such a way, so that a release can be found.

How do we tap into option three, when we don’t even know, that it is an option?

The short answer to this question, has to be, “Hear what your Heavenly Father is speaking to you, about the way you should go.”

Unfortunately, this is not an easy thing to do, when you are in a stressful situation. Because the stress, can just seem to take over.
It can sometimes feel like, “You have TWO Options, THIS or THAT!
CHOOSE ONE!”

Even the thought that there is a third option, can seem like an impossibility. So how can we see the very thing, that we don’t even know about?

Psalm 121

1 I lift up my eyes to the mountains—
    where does my help come from?
2 My help comes from the Lord,
    the Maker of heaven and earth.

3 He will not let your foot slip—
    he who watches over you will not slumber;
4 indeed, he who watches over Israel
    will neither slumber nor sleep.

5 The Lord watches over you—
    the Lord is your shade at your right hand;
6 the sun will not harm you by day,
    nor the moon by night.

7 The Lord will keep you from all harm—
    he will watch over your life;
8 the Lord will watch over your coming and going
    both now and forevermore.

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It’s great to read a passage, like the above (and it is a truth for those who seek The Lord God Almighty.) But how do we tap into the help, when we need it most?

I now know that I should have called for an ambulance when my wife was on a hospital ward, not getting the care that she should have. (My third option, that I didn’t see.) But just how do we see, the something else, that we could do?

Could we possibly try to seek help from outside the situation?
To hear or see the extra option, that is just outside of our grasp?

Sometimes, these things can happen so easily, that it just amazes us.
I was recently trying to make a purchase, dealing with a salesman. The deal had been made when a different person came over (without introducing himself), whilst the salesman was away, and told me that there was a problem.
As such there were two options, of this or that. I didn’t like either option, and was feeling pressured to make a choice between the two options.
Then out of my mouth came the words, “Could we have a moment to think about this, and then we can discuss this with the salesman.”
The person in front of me, agreed to this, and then walked away.
The issue was then dealt with in a better way, with the salesman (who was much friendlier).

It was one of those instances of seeing the extra option, without even really looking for it. I know it’s a bit of a small silly thing, but a tense situation was avoided, by just speaking out, something different, that just came to my mind.

Seeing the extra option, can make a big difference, if we are able to see, or hear it.

I would love to finish this post by giving you a list of helpful advice that would speak directly to you and your personal situation, but I can’t. I’m only a man after all.
But I can point you to One who is Greater than all of us, who DOES have the answers. Who does know your personal circumstances.
Our Lord God is Mighty and is able to help all. It will be so good for us, if we can seek Him and His wisdom for where we should go. He is the one who can point us to the option, that we weren’t even looking for.

If you are directed to, then please consider re-reading Psalm 121. (There is a copy of it, just above in this post.)

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When the wheels fell off.

Even as I’m posting this, I’m still thinking, “Are you sure??”
Posting this, in some ways, feels like lighting a stick of dynamite.
Lord, into Your hands I commit this post.

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My last post ended with, “Will I share my ugly rock?” I still don’t know the answer to that one, at the present moment. I’m still in the, take the next step phase of things, so with that in mind, I’ll just keep trying to write it out. Just as if I’m having a conversation with myself. (Leaving the question of to publish or not, to another day.)

I’m coming to the understanding that my wife’s care, in the early days, was medically negligent.
It’s not nice to think that mistakes were made, but I feel that they were. The full measure of those mistakes, I may not ever even know. A conversation with a family member, just opened my eyes to a few things that I was unaware of, or just forgotten. But I do know that one night, it felt as if I was caught in a Medical Mexican Stand Off, with the hospital staff.

I have previously written about our bad time, but I had mis-written one night in particular.
In the previous post of Something of our Testimony Part 1, I had written about a bad night, and stated that my wife received treatment before I went home. The truth of that night is very different to that fantasy. What follows next is the truthful account of what happened, that night.

My wife was having seizures, and the nurses were following the doctor’s last instruction on how to deal with them. It was, “Let’s just ride this out and let it run its course, it’s only a small one, and let’s not use medication, if it’s not needed.”

That sounds like a good thing to do, if they are small and infrequent, as they were, when that course of action was decided to be taken.

But what about when things change?
When they change slowly, so that the changes, are not so obvious to see?
How long do you keep following that same thinking?

In the nurses case, the answer was all the way to the end of their shift, and then the next nurses, take over, with a hand over of, “This is what has happened.” Then possibly, “We are following the advice of the doctor, which is…. . The relatives have been a bit of trouble, we’ve just stayed out of their way.”

I don’t actually know what was said in the hand over, but the new nurses, didn’t speak too much to us. Even though it was getting late into the night, and visiting time was long gone. And we (at some point in time, my Mum had joined us) were still there, waiting for something to happen, to help my wife. Who by this time, was now having frequent seizures, of a greater magnitude, which the nurses appeared to be not concerned about. (At this point my wife was not on a neurological ward.)

We had asked, insisted, that a doctor be involved and was in a constant state of, “Something has to change soon.” But nothing appeared to be happening.
I can remember seeing someone who looked as if they were a junior doctor, speaking with the nurses, (I can’t remember if it was the new or old shift nurses, but I think it was the new shift nurses) and then they were gone.
Still no change in the treatment (or lack of treatment.)

We had both reached the point of desperation.
I had gone through outright aggression, almost having a full blown row with one of the the original shift nurses. Only averted because I walked out, to get some breathing space. When I came back, it appeared that the nurse was ready and waiting for round two. I believe that I just didn’t engage in round two, but just tried to concentrate on my wife.

Is this part of the reason of, why the staff didn’t engage with me that much?
Is it part of the reason of why we were never asked to leave?
It was well into the sleeping hours of the night, before we left.

The fact that it was into the sleeping hours of the night, also meant that I didn’t want to make a fuss, and then disturb the other patients on the ward, whilst still wanting and waiting for my wife to be seen, and cared for.

With hindsight, I know that I should have called for an ambulance.
There wasn’t an A & E department at the hospital my wife was staying at, so I couldn’t just wheel her down to the A & E department. But I am sure that I should have called for an ambulance, or at least made the threat to do so, and if needed, to then just do it.
But I didn’t, and we are where we are.
Would it have made a difference, if I had called for that ambulance???
I just don’t know.

In the end, out of sheer desperation, me and my Mum just left.
We were thinking, “If we are not here, creating a screen that the nurses can’t see through, then perhaps they will see her, and then give her the care that she needs???”
I now firmly believe that this was a mistake, and that we should have called for an ambulance, but at the time, we could only see the two options. Remain, waiting and hoping that something will happen, while wondering, are we part of the problem, by being a screen that is stopping the nurses from seeing what is going on.
Or just go, and hope that they then actually see my wife, and then do something to help her.

As I have said, looking back it feels as if it was a Medical Mexican Stand Off. A stalemate, nowhere to go, with no good options.
Option 3, of call the ambulance, was just not in our minds.

Why would it be?
My wife was in a hospital, under medical care of people who should have known what they were doing. Who would think that calling for an ambulance, whilst someone is on a hospital ward, would even be an option.
It shouldn’t be an option.
You should be receiving the care, that you need, if you are on a hospital ward. Not just left to get on with it.
If she had been at home, we would have called for an ambulance, and then been taken to the A & E department, and then been cared for. But instead, she was on a ward, by and large, being ignored.

Did our life changing consequences occur because of that night?
Or had they already happened?
Or were they even just waiting to happen?
… I just don’t know the answers to these questions.

What I do know, is that as I left that night, I didn’t know if my wife would be with me, or not, the following morning?
I didn’t know if she would survive the night?
In some respects, I said goodbye to her, as I left.
Not knowing if we were doing the right thing or the wrong thing. But also not knowing what else to do?
Both me and my Mum where at our wits end, just hoping that they they would now just see her, and give my wife the care that she needed.

Did she receive any help or care, after we left, or was she just left to, “ride it out”, all night long … ???
Again, I just don’t have the answer to this question.

The next time I heard about my wife, was from my wife’s Mum. She had called the hospital, and had been told, “She is sleeping peacefully.” (My wife’s parents were a two hour journey away.)
Was she actually sleeping peacefully, or was she slowly edging closer to disaster day, when she was just a step away from just going, unseen by the staff, because they thought that she was just, “sleeping peacefully”?

I was completely wiped out by this point. A walking zombie.
Along with everything written above, we were still coming to grips with a miscarriage, which was the very start of the misadventure. With everything that was going on, the miscarriage was now low down on my list of concerns.

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It’s been a few days since I wrote the above.
After I wrote it, I was thinking, “What good can come from this?” I’m still partly wondering that.
But as time is going by, I’m starting to find that it’s not quite so raw, anymore. In some ways, this feels a little bit weird. I know what happened, and I am kind of aware that I should be outraged by all that had gone on, but a strange, dare I say it, sense of peace seems to be taking the place of the hurt. … ???
I would like to say that I’ve got a complete sense of peace, but that would be a lie. But I’m not as agitated as I think I should be?
Am I heading towards that greater sense of peace???

Is this journey towards peace because of three little words that I have been trying to apply into lots of situations?
Am I now able to apply them to my ugly rock, and then see a difference happen?

I would like to say that it had been easy, but it hasn’t been.
I would like to say that it all done in one sitting, but it wasn’t. Some moments were maybe 30 seconds of thinking something, then accepting it. Another moment could have been letting go of something by forgiving ones who came to my mind, myself included.
I’m struggling to think if I have repented of anything, but it may have been in there???

The three little words that I’m thinking of are, Accept, Repent and Forgive, There be Power Here!
It seems to be more evident to me that applying three little words, can lead to a release and a freedom from pain.

I would like to think that I am fully cured from the effects of what has happened to me and my wife, but I do think that could be a bit of wishful thinking. We are still currently living with the consequences of what has happened, although we are waiting for my wife to be completely healed. But I do believe that a large chunk of the pain and hurt has gone. Hopefully, that will continue as time goes on.

To publish or not?
I’m now leaning towards publishing. (If you are reading this, then the answer is evident.)
I will still seek guidance from my Lord God Almighty for the answer to that one. He does have the Power of Veto over me, after all.
I do have the small comforting thought that most of what I write, only gets seen by a very small number of people. So it will more than likely, only be a small something, seen by a few. 🙂

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This post was the latest from a series of posts.
For reference, the previous posts are listed below.

Will you work with Our Lord, to shape, your Ugly Rock?

It seems that I have my own Ugly Rock.

Will I share, What my Ugly Rock is?

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I thought that this post was going to be the end of the mini series, but there was one more.
The last post in this series is…
How do you cope when, the wheels fall off??

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Will I share, What my Ugly Rock is?

This post follows on from the previous post of, It seems that I have my own Ugly Rock.

The short version of what is my ugly rock, is, … It’s a bad decision I made, a long time ago.
It’s something that I walked away from, partly thinking, “If I’m not here, then what is happening will be that much clearer, and then something will happen. Perhaps my being here is part of the problem ?”
With hindsight, I know that, that was bad thinking, and that I should have stayed, and carried on fighting for someone who was unable to fight for themselves.

The consequences of walking away that night….

I don’t know! I just don’t.
After I left, did what needed to happen, happen, or did nothing happen, which then lead to further complications later, which has then led me and my wife to, where we are today?
As I have said, “I just don’t know.”

I’ve had the scene from Good Will Hunting run through my mind, when Robin Williams (the actor) has Will’s history file in his hands, and is talking to Will. He states, “This is not your fault.” To which Will replies, “I know it’s not.” (Or there about.) The conversation repeats itself several times, until Will, truly starts to accept that, it’s not his fault.

The thought of. “It’s not my fault” helps.
I’d like to say that the thought is a magic wand, that removes all the pain, but it’s not. It does help, and I need to listen to the thought, even if I’m not convinced that it’s true. Listening to the thought seems to be part of accepting what has happened.

On some level, I do know, that it isn’t my fault, but doubts can have a way of trying to worm their way in. There is a need to be aware of this, then to send them away, when they try to make an appearance.
I have a need to seek, then Hear, what my Heavenly Father is speaking to me about the situation, and the thought, “It’s not your fault” is in the room.

The title of this post was going to be, “What is my Ugly Rock?” But so far, I feel that I have only given the slightest glimpse of what it is.
To properly answer that question, feels like I’ve got a box of matches, and that there is a stick of dynamite, in the ugly rock, that I need to light. I also have no idea of how powerful the stick of dynamite is!

Will it just blow away the shame and guilt that is present, or will it shatter the ugly rock into a thousand pieces, that’s just going to make a bigger mess?
I have been speaking to a few trusted people, and I’m coming round to the idea that it will be just blowing away the shame and guilt, but I can’t know that, until the fuse is lit.

In the picture, the matches were found amongst the smaller stones and rubble, as I made the choice to clear the smaller stones, as I was directed to.
The thought kind of goes, sometimes you can find the tools that you need, as you do the small bits that you can do, as you are directed to do so.

There is another thought that goes with lighting of the dynamite.
It’s to follow God’s direction of where to stand, after lighting the dynamite. If you are going to light a stick of dynamite, then it’s good to be behind a blast screen. If The Lord tells you “Stand here”, and The Lord places Himself between you and the rock, with the dynamite in it, then that is a good place to be.
Allow God to be your blast screen.

Will I actually light that fuse though?
Will I tell my secret to all or just a trusted few?
At the moment, I still don’t know the answer to that one. I’m still in the process of taking the next step.
At times I’m like, “Let’s just put it all out there!” Then I try to write a post to do just that, but end up just putting a few glimpses together, in a post, that then needs the title to be renamed. 🙂

So, what’s the next step now???
Will the stick of dynamite be such a small blast, that everyone will think, “What was all the fuss about?”
Will it be so small, that it will go by, completely unseen, except by the few who just happen to be looking in the right direction as it goes off?
Will it even go off? Could it be that something that is so huge in my mind, is actually a nothing, in everybody else’s view?
Or could it be, that the blast could be bigger than I can see?
Could the blast and the shrapnel travel further and faster than I would ever want it to and leave me thinking “What have I done?”
Am I ready for what comes next?
It feels as if it could be something, but it also feels that it could be nothing.

Lord, please continue to direct my steps.
Please help to know when, or even if, I should light this stick of dynamite.
If I do light it, then help me to know where to stand, in safety, under Your protection.

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The next post in this series is already written.
I’m still seeking a yes or no to post it, or not?
I’m inclined to post it, but my Heavenly father does have the power of veto over me.

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The answer of to post, or not, was a “Yes”
The next post is,
When the wheels fell off.