Sometimes, Acceptance comes before Healing

I woke up with a movie scene playing through my mind this morning. It’s from A Monster Calls.

It’s the scene were the boy destroys his grandmothers living room.

Before you are too hard on the boy, you need to understand his situation. His Mum is dieing from cancer, and he’s not dealing with it, in any way, other than badly. Him trashing his grandmother’s room, is an outworking of his not coping. In the movie, when the grandmother enters, the boy’s face is a picture of regret, fear and sorrow.

The scene that played out in my mind was slightly different.
The boy just ran away, leaving his grandmother with the mess. She then purposely left it alone.
A friend of the grandmother then enters, sees the mess, and wants to clear it up. But, the grandmother stops them from doing so. From the grandmother, a clear message is sent, “The one who created the mess, needs to accept the mess, before it is cleared up.”

This is were the scene in my mind finished.
The grandmother loved the boy, and was not being mean in her actions. She just wanted the boy to be able to heal, which meant, facing up to what had been done. In the movie, this happens straight away (on the boys face), but in the scene in my mind, there was a delay.

It left me with a further scene of the grandmother, and her friend, sitting in the trashed room, having a cup of tea. The grandmother was clearly troubled, but at peace (in a strange kind of way). The friend just looked awkward, trying to find a clear spot to sit in, desperately wanting to tidy the room up, but not being allowed to do so.

I’ve been thinking about denial, just recently, and the problems that it could possibly cause.

In the scenes above, I think that we can see hidden trauma being released in an explosive way, in the trashing of the room.
In the scene that played out in my mind, we can then see, “denial” playing it’s part, by the boy just running away. Don’t look at it, run away, it’s not really there, it never happened.
If the room was cleared up, then could the delusion possibly be allowed to continue?
This would not be good for the boy.
As hard as it is, for the boy and grandmother (and also the visiting friend) the mess needs to remain, so that the boy can then face up to what has happened, instead of just brushing it under the carpet.

Facing up to hurts, can be a very painful thing to do.
Facing up to them with a Loved one, holding your hand and guiding your steps, may be a better way of doing it, rather than going at it alone.
We have a Loving Heavenly Father, who is For us, and wants the Best for us. If we have something that we need to deal with, that we are struggling with, then we can call on His help and His guidance, to help us, to get through it.

The final scene (that was not in the film) that ran through my mind this morning, was of the boy and the grandmother, making a start on clearing up the room, together.

Lord God,
If there is anything that we have been trying to hide from, for any reason, then please help us to look at it together.
Please be the Loving and Guiding hand, that can help us to make it through all things.
Our Loving Heavenly Father,
Amen.

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Psalm 139:23-24
²³ Search me, God, and know my heart;
    test me and know my anxious thoughts.
²⁴ See if there is any offensive way in me,
    and lead me in the way everlasting.

1 John 1:5-10
Light and Darkness, Sin and Forgiveness

⁵ This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all. ⁶ If we claim to have fellowship with him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live out the truth. ⁷ But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin.

⁸ If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. ⁹ If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. ¹⁰ If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word is not in us.